As I drove up to the barn, memories of the moments where my life had all been worthless flooded my mind. I had so much hatred in my heart but I had to eventually let it free. Dylan, my older brother had always been looked upon as the God of the house. Everything he accomplished was what I lacked. My mother would constantly say, “I wish you were the exact version as your brother, you’re just a waste of space and a mother’s burden.”
All I wonder to myself is how I was able to survive all those years. Everyday, I hated myself for being raised by her and my father. My father, Bill on the other hand was on the side of showing emotions through his actions. There are exactly three scars right across my lower back. One I can easily recount was from the moment where Dylan had spilled the cup of coffee onto the white carpet floor that was newly bought. As my father returned home from his long day of work at the barn I had spent the entire afternoon memorizing my speech of who and how the contents leaked out. Yet to my surprise I was introduced immediately to the whip that my dad had kept underneath the couch in the living room. Not once did he question if someone else in the house may have caused the incident.
As I stood out of the truck, these memories kept on swarming in. Each step to the wooden door was a bundle of heavy weight upon my shoulders. I had not visited them for more then 13 years and the last thing I wanted to do was shake either one’s hand or even greet them.
I made it to the door. My first task had beem accomplished.
As I rang the door bell that had spider webs surrounded in all directions I heard my mother yelling out, “Bill get the door and on the way take out the trash, I’m making some dinner here!”
I could hear the creaks of the wooden floors, every step had been my father coming closer to an unexpected guest.
As he slowly opened the door he quickly jumped back in surprise. I could swear that this was finally the first moment ever that I had seen fear rushing through his eyes.
"What are doing here Nate?" my father said in disbelief.
"I came here to see her" I replied back.
"Well...umm..go to the kitchen" he replied quietly.
"Bill!!.. I asked you to take the trash out I ca--..
She saw me right there, there was no escape, this time I was not going to leave and neither could she.
After the long awkward moment of of standing there in mixed emotions she went on asking,
“Would you like some tea?”
After all, the journey home had been over 2 hours. My throat had been extremely dry as if someone had shoved a pile of cement down my esophugus forcefully.
“I would. Thank you.”
“Careful. It’s hot.”
“I usually prefer iced tea.”
“Mmm. I don’t have any.”
“Maybe I can put ice in this tea.”
“But that’s what I’m saying—I don’t have any cubes. Sorry.”
Before she began to utter another word, I could see tears streaming down her face like a violent storm.
I could not look at her anymore. Was she about to give her entire speech of apology and attempt to flush all those years down the toilet?
These memories came back to haunt me again.
I'd crawl up into the closet when everyone would be fast asleep, always making sure that father was a distance away, I feared him.
I would constantly pray for a miracle to take place in my life and that the biterness from my parents would switch around. I'd often cry so hard to sleep and until my eyes would stop producing tears.
I couldn't hold this grudge any longer.
I spoke the words right there out of my lips
"I forgive you."
I left the house, never returning again.
You may be thinking that I am a disgrace to my family for not returning back home to communicate with my parents but try living in my boots for a change.
You try going to counseling for four and a half years for suicide prevention and come back to me.
All I can say now is I feel a whole load of weight that I held for those many years of my chest and now I am free to acomplish any task thrown towards me.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
HOW TO BECOME A WRITER- Reactions
When I read the story that was written by Lorrie Moore, I had mixed emotions about it. At first what came to my mind was how ridiculously looonng it was, over 15 minutes to read..
Anyways, I thought the meaning overall was to show the reader how there are countless things - over millions of topics/ideas to write about. Imagination is all we need and a piece of paper and pen or even a computer is all we need to be able to express our ideas endlessly, for as long as you want.
I liked how the author started off with, "First, try to be something, anything, else." At times we writers forget how to start of "creatively", especially when in Creative Writing class. We need to be able to just express what our mind is on whether it is on the topic of icecream, to kangaroos, to Chinese food....Just express anything!
That is the one thing I love about Writing, we are not being forced to stick to one main idea and we can never be considered wrong because after all you are free to express yourself.
Anyways, I thought the meaning overall was to show the reader how there are countless things - over millions of topics/ideas to write about. Imagination is all we need and a piece of paper and pen or even a computer is all we need to be able to express our ideas endlessly, for as long as you want.
I liked how the author started off with, "First, try to be something, anything, else." At times we writers forget how to start of "creatively", especially when in Creative Writing class. We need to be able to just express what our mind is on whether it is on the topic of icecream, to kangaroos, to Chinese food....Just express anything!
That is the one thing I love about Writing, we are not being forced to stick to one main idea and we can never be considered wrong because after all you are free to express yourself.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Jealous Husband...- COMPLETED
The green wads of cash abruptly flew out of the meat packer’s wallet. The crumpled, folded bills scattered out in every direction ranging from tens to hundreds. There was over $238 to be exact. As the beautiful face began to thank her horrid husband, the clerk began to do something very expected.
“Well my beautiful lady, I won’t let you get away without a discount. How about I just charge you with half the offer, after all, you are one of a kind.”
My sudden reaction was to stare into the surroundings of the husband, see if any objects would come flying his personal bubble. Unfortunately, I only saw his face redden as Ms.Gorgeous giggled in response.
The butcher held onto my cage, his arms surrounding to the top of the handle began to give me chills onto my spine. For a moment, all I began to think about was the hell that I would bring on him at my new home but his dark brown piercing eyes that I could feel looking down upon me had sent a threat that was sure to remind me of bird stew. Obediently, I lowered my neck down as I sat on my stool, if I had to live in fear and anger, I did not want to even sense my enemy's presence.
As I lay inside the vehicle, waiting for my destination, I saw her in the passenger’s seat right in front of me as she began to take out her sun glasses. She gripped onto the thick, dark temples with her clenched arms as she slowly raised them upon her shining face. Even the costly spectacles were not worthy enough to be put upon her.
The vehicle slowly drove upon the rugged road, over passing countless of branches that had lost their balance upon the trees. My head felt it had gone through a million rollers coasters all at the same time.
I wanted to weep; let out all my emotions I had never felt so much unbearable pain all at once. However my world was different from theirs, I began to shriek and make any noise for their attention, for their safety, her hand.
“Shut the hell up or I’ll return you back this instant!!” was all I heard back in return. It was useless, I knew know what my life was all about, there was never any hope for me, I was a bird, not a human.
“Well my beautiful lady, I won’t let you get away without a discount. How about I just charge you with half the offer, after all, you are one of a kind.”
My sudden reaction was to stare into the surroundings of the husband, see if any objects would come flying his personal bubble. Unfortunately, I only saw his face redden as Ms.Gorgeous giggled in response.
The butcher held onto my cage, his arms surrounding to the top of the handle began to give me chills onto my spine. For a moment, all I began to think about was the hell that I would bring on him at my new home but his dark brown piercing eyes that I could feel looking down upon me had sent a threat that was sure to remind me of bird stew. Obediently, I lowered my neck down as I sat on my stool, if I had to live in fear and anger, I did not want to even sense my enemy's presence.
As I lay inside the vehicle, waiting for my destination, I saw her in the passenger’s seat right in front of me as she began to take out her sun glasses. She gripped onto the thick, dark temples with her clenched arms as she slowly raised them upon her shining face. Even the costly spectacles were not worthy enough to be put upon her.
The vehicle slowly drove upon the rugged road, over passing countless of branches that had lost their balance upon the trees. My head felt it had gone through a million rollers coasters all at the same time.
I wanted to weep; let out all my emotions I had never felt so much unbearable pain all at once. However my world was different from theirs, I began to shriek and make any noise for their attention, for their safety, her hand.
“Shut the hell up or I’ll return you back this instant!!” was all I heard back in return. It was useless, I knew know what my life was all about, there was never any hope for me, I was a bird, not a human.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Long Day- COMPLETED-
It was September the 24th, a scorched filled boiling Thursday as I sat in my unbearable, useless Math class. Looking over to Sally, the most studious, intellectual creature in all of Bailey Field High, I started to ask her, “How are there letters in math? That is so illegal. It’s not like poor little English ever stole from Math.”
“Sssssshhh!!” She immediately hissed back with a look that made you cringe. The moment my eyes had crawled out the doors of the terrorized class of the torturous math lesson, my eyes quickly wandered to the ever so overpowering fragrance that brought forth my attention. The sweet scent of honeysuckle goodness flowered it’s presence in all directions. What smell could this be from? As my eyes aimed in all directions, I felt that it was destiny to run out the door and find that one precious person who beheld such sweet incense, a soothing aroma sure to bring you down on your knees dreamily. Running out of the monstrous doors, I began running, as fate would occur at this moment; I knocked into my…teacher? With sudden fear she began to grab onto her purse and had taken her ever so precious bottle of pepper spray.
“NOO your highness, I come to you in peace!!” I yelled ever so pleadingly.
But, unfortunately her actions came before my uttered words, as fast as bull chasing its predator, she swished the poison into my eyes.
“They burn, MOMMYYY!!!” And when Ms. Mara finally had time to think, she abruptly went into her treasure bag and came out with a Hershey kiss, two to be exact.
“Happy Valentines day sweetie!!” as if that would make it all better. I was mixed with emotions of fear, yet joy, and surprisingly love. I had never received kisses, not even those miniature succulent chocolates that were sure to melt in your mouth. With the excruciating pain, I slowly smiled and began to give her a fly away kiss as she ran into the Ladies Room to check out her ever so perfect makeup. Mr. Mal, my terrifying math teacher peeked out the door to check what the chaos was all about, he began to give a look that made you beg mercy at his toe nails and rotated his head 90 degrees to the right. I knew where to go, my second home was the principal’s office. As I slowly stood up, tears fell down my eyes. “Mr. Mal, you don’t realize the power of love, once you see your true love, it never goes away in your memory ever again. All the girls in the class began to cheer me on as I slowly walked to the dungeon.
Walking past the dusty tiles that had webs scattered at every edge of the wall, I could not get my mind off Ms. Mara, my soon to be wife. I know you’re probably thinking how that’s so illegal but damn if you looked at her, she was better than your scrumptious plate of heavenly divine, mango cheesecake. Let me put it to you in these words, she looked gooood…
As I was dreamily staring at the window of the principal’s office, Mrs. Jane, who I believe is over the legal working limit began shyly staring down at her most antique possession, her vermilion stained rug contained layers of dust, possibly more than the entire amount collected of the whole school in probably more than ten years.
After her millionth encounter with the poor, abused rug, she began to lift her head up only to let out a giggle.
"What are you looking at?" I asked, feeling more disgusted than the levels of intimacy between my creators, unfortunately called my parents.
Her "innocent" smile turned into the sly replica of the Joker.
Lifting my hands up in surrender I sighed and asked her “okay, what do you want from me now?”
“Well sweetie pie, icing to my cupcake..”
“State it woman!” I yelled with such fear gaining in on me.
“Okay, this is your fifth time in here and it’s only the first month of school, I think a good lesson for you would be cleanup service! After all, our school is in dire need of more workers, volunteer work is always welcome.”
“The only thing I will volunteer for is to leave this room!”
“Now, now, now I also suggest you think about your decision because option two is suspension for violating a teacher’s privacy.”
“WHAT?!?! She sprayed freaking pepper spray on my poor eyes. I never meant to shove her, I am sort of a clumsy kid.”
“Robert Junior Olsen, I know your intentions, I once was an immature child like you!”
“Ha, you were actually a human?” I muttered to myself.
“You will start working right after school with the cafeteria ladies; I heard they have “hot” chicks there too”
“Whatever” I replied while rolling my eyes as I walked out of the room.
..........
3:15 pm Place:The ancient Cafeteria Why:Being Threatend- Against my will!
"Okay, do you want me to clean the dishes with soap dispenser from the Men's bathroom?"
"Haha, very funny mister, keep the jokes coming all year and were gonna have a blast" yelled back Ms. Grady as she threw a warm towel into my face motioning her head towards the greasy filled tables that managed have every food able to enter the building piled onto them.
Man, were these Bailey student dirty pigs. I could smell in the surrounding air thar had just been a terrific game of food smash. It obviously is when you take every greasy and slimy food that is laid on your plastic plate and fling them onto a random, innocent student when Ms. Chi is having her yoga sessions and shoving down a bottle of Advil down her throat, which was stolen from the Nurse's room.
"Wow these kids are clean." I muttered to myself in annoyance.
Ms. Ance who had been sweeping the floor from the opposite side of the cafeteria began to yell out, "Are you stupid? Do you know what you just said?"
"It's called sarcasm." I replied back while rolling my eyes.
After three straight hours all thrown away from slavery, I began to crawl out the doors in pain and with my back bent in such soreness that only one whole week of rest would be a cure.
Suprisingly, as I had been on my way out the Exit door, I smelt a whiff of the scent that had caused all this chaos.
I ran all the way to her with open arms asking for forgiveness and guess what she gave me a kiss on my cheek!
No, it didn't go that way I had imagined all in my head. Instread, I walked right past her not even bothering to stare at her face.
And guess what.
She did the same to me.
“Sssssshhh!!” She immediately hissed back with a look that made you cringe. The moment my eyes had crawled out the doors of the terrorized class of the torturous math lesson, my eyes quickly wandered to the ever so overpowering fragrance that brought forth my attention. The sweet scent of honeysuckle goodness flowered it’s presence in all directions. What smell could this be from? As my eyes aimed in all directions, I felt that it was destiny to run out the door and find that one precious person who beheld such sweet incense, a soothing aroma sure to bring you down on your knees dreamily. Running out of the monstrous doors, I began running, as fate would occur at this moment; I knocked into my…teacher? With sudden fear she began to grab onto her purse and had taken her ever so precious bottle of pepper spray.
“NOO your highness, I come to you in peace!!” I yelled ever so pleadingly.
But, unfortunately her actions came before my uttered words, as fast as bull chasing its predator, she swished the poison into my eyes.
“They burn, MOMMYYY!!!” And when Ms. Mara finally had time to think, she abruptly went into her treasure bag and came out with a Hershey kiss, two to be exact.
“Happy Valentines day sweetie!!” as if that would make it all better. I was mixed with emotions of fear, yet joy, and surprisingly love. I had never received kisses, not even those miniature succulent chocolates that were sure to melt in your mouth. With the excruciating pain, I slowly smiled and began to give her a fly away kiss as she ran into the Ladies Room to check out her ever so perfect makeup. Mr. Mal, my terrifying math teacher peeked out the door to check what the chaos was all about, he began to give a look that made you beg mercy at his toe nails and rotated his head 90 degrees to the right. I knew where to go, my second home was the principal’s office. As I slowly stood up, tears fell down my eyes. “Mr. Mal, you don’t realize the power of love, once you see your true love, it never goes away in your memory ever again. All the girls in the class began to cheer me on as I slowly walked to the dungeon.
Walking past the dusty tiles that had webs scattered at every edge of the wall, I could not get my mind off Ms. Mara, my soon to be wife. I know you’re probably thinking how that’s so illegal but damn if you looked at her, she was better than your scrumptious plate of heavenly divine, mango cheesecake. Let me put it to you in these words, she looked gooood…
As I was dreamily staring at the window of the principal’s office, Mrs. Jane, who I believe is over the legal working limit began shyly staring down at her most antique possession, her vermilion stained rug contained layers of dust, possibly more than the entire amount collected of the whole school in probably more than ten years.
After her millionth encounter with the poor, abused rug, she began to lift her head up only to let out a giggle.
"What are you looking at?" I asked, feeling more disgusted than the levels of intimacy between my creators, unfortunately called my parents.
Her "innocent" smile turned into the sly replica of the Joker.
Lifting my hands up in surrender I sighed and asked her “okay, what do you want from me now?”
“Well sweetie pie, icing to my cupcake..”
“State it woman!” I yelled with such fear gaining in on me.
“Okay, this is your fifth time in here and it’s only the first month of school, I think a good lesson for you would be cleanup service! After all, our school is in dire need of more workers, volunteer work is always welcome.”
“The only thing I will volunteer for is to leave this room!”
“Now, now, now I also suggest you think about your decision because option two is suspension for violating a teacher’s privacy.”
“WHAT?!?! She sprayed freaking pepper spray on my poor eyes. I never meant to shove her, I am sort of a clumsy kid.”
“Robert Junior Olsen, I know your intentions, I once was an immature child like you!”
“Ha, you were actually a human?” I muttered to myself.
“You will start working right after school with the cafeteria ladies; I heard they have “hot” chicks there too”
“Whatever” I replied while rolling my eyes as I walked out of the room.
..........
3:15 pm Place:The ancient Cafeteria Why:Being Threatend- Against my will!
"Okay, do you want me to clean the dishes with soap dispenser from the Men's bathroom?"
"Haha, very funny mister, keep the jokes coming all year and were gonna have a blast" yelled back Ms. Grady as she threw a warm towel into my face motioning her head towards the greasy filled tables that managed have every food able to enter the building piled onto them.
Man, were these Bailey student dirty pigs. I could smell in the surrounding air thar had just been a terrific game of food smash. It obviously is when you take every greasy and slimy food that is laid on your plastic plate and fling them onto a random, innocent student when Ms. Chi is having her yoga sessions and shoving down a bottle of Advil down her throat, which was stolen from the Nurse's room.
"Wow these kids are clean." I muttered to myself in annoyance.
Ms. Ance who had been sweeping the floor from the opposite side of the cafeteria began to yell out, "Are you stupid? Do you know what you just said?"
"It's called sarcasm." I replied back while rolling my eyes.
After three straight hours all thrown away from slavery, I began to crawl out the doors in pain and with my back bent in such soreness that only one whole week of rest would be a cure.
Suprisingly, as I had been on my way out the Exit door, I smelt a whiff of the scent that had caused all this chaos.
I ran all the way to her with open arms asking for forgiveness and guess what she gave me a kiss on my cheek!
No, it didn't go that way I had imagined all in my head. Instread, I walked right past her not even bothering to stare at her face.
And guess what.
She did the same to me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
About Myself....
My name is Julie Titus and I am in tenth grade. I signed up for this course because I love writing since you can use your imagination and be creative.I like writing short stories and poetry because you can use lot of ideas for your writing. I hate writing essays because it is very time consuming and the teacher ussually assigns the topic. I like to read Fiction, mainly mystery and of books that can relate to me.
My favorite sport is badminton and I am going to try to make it in the team this year..hopefully..One subject I hate in school is Math. Ever since I entered high school, I felt that it was torture and I find it really confusing. One of my favorite hobbies is cooking in my spare time. Anything I find in the kitchen is used in newly invented recipie I create. Sometimes they actually end up pretty neat like my new and transformed version of Cup Noodles :). My favorite channel is Food Network and the shows like Ace of Cakes, Iron Chef America, Throwdown with Bobby Flay,Diners, Rachel Ray show..and the list goes on- basically every show on it.
My favorite bands are Coldplay, Linkin Park, and The Boxers Rebellion. I really am not a fan of rap and I highly dislike lil wayne but I feel that Eminem is pretty good and has some inspirational songs..I play the guitar and the flute- my fifth year although Im not really good...but yeah..I think that the guitar is acutally more interesting to play because there are a lot of songs you can play with the chords and you can learn right at home. But the only negative side is that you feel that your fingers are bleeding in pain after just 10 minutes...
In conclusion, I love writing so that's why I joined.
The End
My favorite sport is badminton and I am going to try to make it in the team this year..hopefully..One subject I hate in school is Math. Ever since I entered high school, I felt that it was torture and I find it really confusing. One of my favorite hobbies is cooking in my spare time. Anything I find in the kitchen is used in newly invented recipie I create. Sometimes they actually end up pretty neat like my new and transformed version of Cup Noodles :). My favorite channel is Food Network and the shows like Ace of Cakes, Iron Chef America, Throwdown with Bobby Flay,Diners, Rachel Ray show..and the list goes on- basically every show on it.
My favorite bands are Coldplay, Linkin Park, and The Boxers Rebellion. I really am not a fan of rap and I highly dislike lil wayne but I feel that Eminem is pretty good and has some inspirational songs..I play the guitar and the flute- my fifth year although Im not really good...but yeah..I think that the guitar is acutally more interesting to play because there are a lot of songs you can play with the chords and you can learn right at home. But the only negative side is that you feel that your fingers are bleeding in pain after just 10 minutes...
In conclusion, I love writing so that's why I joined.
The End
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