Droplets of water diving down from leaves,
Soaking upon the dry cemented earth.
They settle down comfortably at ease,
For the young seedlings they grant a new birth.
The birds piling down one by one.
For a feast they come in union with nature,
Down above them, the gleam of the sun.
Bringing a smile upon their creator.
Shimmering and sparkling water they nestle upon,
Interrupted by the deafening bustle behind them, their traitor.
Looking for which to catch before dawn.
Forever will their lives be,
Captivated by the presence of their enemy, Where they can never flee.
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The rhyming and figurative language worked beautifully here, but they amount of syllables is off. I really like your poem though, it makes me feel calm 0=)
ReplyDeleteWow, great job! Your poem came off as really deep and the literary devices you used added a lot to you poem, helping me vividly capture the image regarding the bird's liberty. I really liked all your sensory details and adjectives and the rhyme scheme works really well too- I feel a dismal sense of sorrow and restrainment after reading this poem
ReplyDeleteI think this poem has a sense of daness, like you are being forced somewhere when you want to be on the outside. I would compare this to a canary in a coalmind because I think if they knew they might die they'd try to run but they can't get out of there cage. I do like the language in it and my favorite part was how'd they would always be captivated by the presence of there enemy.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is really good. i love all the imagery about the drops of water and the leaves.the line that stands out to me the most is "Captivated by the presence of their enemy, Where they can never flee." it was really deep and made the essence of the poem more evident.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your poem. I am confused about your title because I don't see how it fits into the poem. Also I don't see how nature and creator rhyme. Though, I love the meaning in your poem, because it relaxes me. Good job again :)
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